YES, I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took

  • The melody out of music,
  • The pride out of appearance,
  • The courtesy out of driving,
  • The romance out of love,
  • The commitment out of marriage,
  • The responsibility out of parenthood,
  • The togetherness out of the family,
  • The learning out of education,
  • The service out of patriotism,
  • The Golden Rule from rulers,
  • The refinement out of language,
  • The dedication out of employment,
  • The prudence out of spending,
  • The ambition out of achievement or
  • Christ out of Christianity

And we are NOT the ones who eliminated patience, tolerance, or that ‘all men are created equal’ and ‘liberty and justice for all’ from families, personal relationships and interactions with others!

We do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country; all races, all creeds, all Americans and all immigrants for which we all are.

We support Social Security and Medicare in our golden years.

 YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

  • I’m the life of the party….. Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
  • I’m very good at opening childproof caps….. With a hammer.
  • I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
  • I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
  • I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
  • I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
  • I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
  • Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Spread the laughter, share the cheer; let’s be happy while we’re here!

Married Four Times

old_lady__shadyoldlady_com_.jpgThe local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she would not mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20′s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40′s, and a preacher when in her 60′s, and now in her 80′s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

I’ve Learned

Andy_Rooney.jpgBy Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words.

I’ve learned…..That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned
…..That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned
…..That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned
…..That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned
…..That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…..That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned
…..That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned
…..That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned
…..That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.  

I’ve learned…..That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned
…..That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned
…..That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned
…..That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned
….That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…..That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned
…..That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned
…..That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned
…..That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned
….That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned
…..That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned
….That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned
…..That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned
…..That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned
…..That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned
…..That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned
…..That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned
….. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned
…..That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned
…..That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Simple Home Remedies for Seniors

senior_citizen_discount.jpgSIMPLE HOME REMEDIES FOR SENIORS

 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

 2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS: SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES TO REDUCE THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

 4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

 5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

 6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

 7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

FDR New Deal, Truman Fair Deal, Republicans Raw Deal

LBJ_signing_Medicare.jpg

 

“And no longer will this Nation refuse the hand of justice to those who have given a lifetime of service and wisdom and labor to the progress of this progressive country.” “Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, to thy needy, in thy land.” – President Lyndon B Johnson, 1965 upon the signing of Medicare bill.

For decades, American families have counted on LBJ’s basic promise that a secure retirement is the reward for a lifetime of labor.  There were no caveats, just people paying into a program that would benefit them when they retired; a program that would not bankrupt seniors, their children or their families. 

On April 15, 2011, Republicans and their Koch Brothers Corporate Tea Party power brokers, launched an all out attack on Seniors, women, the poor and children in America, seeking to deprive them of this basic life preserving benefit, as they voted almost unanimously to phase out Medicare and leave seniors entirely at the mercy of the large Wall Street health insurance companies.  Republicans also voted on keeping many of the Medicare cuts they once criticized.  As aptly written by Forbes, the GOP is launching a multi-pronged attack on Senior Citizens! Read more…

Are you Kathlick

Mischievous_boys.jpgThree little boys were concerned because they could not get anyone to play with them. 

They decided it was because they had not been baptized and did not go to Sunday school.

So they went to the nearest church, but only the janitor was there.

One little boy said “we need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us.”

“Will you baptize us?”

“Sure” said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time.

Then the janitor said “You are now baptized!”

When they got outside, one of them asked, “What religion do you think we are?”

The older boy said “We are not Kathlick because they pour the water on you.”

“We are not Baptis because they dunk all of you in the water.”

“We are not Methdiss because they just sprinkle water on you.”

 The littlest boy said “Did you small that water?”

They all joined in asking, “Yeah, what do you think that means?”

“I think it means we are Pisskopailians!”

(no offense to religion intended)

Elderly Road Trip

Depression_in_elderly.jpgWhile on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

 

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, ‘While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.’

Baby Boomer Memory Test

HowdyDoody_BuffaloBob.jpg

Have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers. Your mind isn’t as sharp as it once was!
 
This is NOT a pushover test. It’s a Baby Boomer era test!
There are 20 questions.  Average score is 12.  This one will be difficult for the younger set. (DUDE!)
 
 
 

Have fun, but no peeking!  Good luck, youngsters! 

 
1.  What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A.  Flintstones vitamins
B.  The Buttmaster
C.  Spaghetti
D.  Wonder Bread
E.  Orange Juice
F.  Milk
G.  Cod Liver Oil

TEXTING FOR SENIORS

senior_texting.jpgTEXTING FOR SENIORS – (from my friend Sally)

If you are not a senior NOW, study well because you will be one in time!

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you. Be sure to pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.
         
       ATD: At The Doctor’s
         
       BFF: Best Friend Fainted
         
       BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
         
       BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
         
       CBM: Covered By Medicare
         
       CGU: Can’t get up  
         
       CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
         
       DWI: Driving While Incontinent
         
       FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
         
       FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
         
       FYI: Found Your Insulin
         
       GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
         
       GHA: Got Heartburn Again
         
       HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
         
       IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
         
       LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
         
       LOL: Living On Lipitor
         
       LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
         
       OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
         
       OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
         
       ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
         
       TTYL: Talk To You Louder
         
       WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
         
       WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
         
       WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
         
       WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
         
       GGLKI: (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Seniors Remember:  Don’t Text and Drive!

The Affordable Care Act and Republican Tea Party Death Panels

Death_Thanks_the_GOP.jpgA funny thing happened with the newly elected majority in the U.S. House; rather than focusing on jobs, putting Americans back to work, restoring the U.S. economy and helping taxpaying American families, Republicans decided to turn their backs on moving America into the 21st century and set one of their primary goals in trying to repeal health care reform.  

These politicians who allowed Wall Street to drive the U.S. Economy into a ditch wiping out jobs and savings accounts for the Middle Class, will now add another $143 billion to the national debt by losing the savings the reforms created If Republicans are successful they are the ones who will actually create very real death panels for senior citizens, children and families.

The entire premise of Health Care Reform is that every American would have some basic security with their health care. However Republicans, whose health care is paid for by taxpayers and who receive it for life after only 5 years of service, pay less than average families and have health care security which they oppose for those they are suppose to represent.  Congress only pays $152 per person or $357 per family per month and receives coverage for superior than most family policies.  WOW, I would love to have a deal like that! Read more…

Perks of reaching 60 and heading towards 70 plus

Seniors_playing_cards_1.jpgPerks of reaching 60 and heading towards 70 plus.

 

 

 


01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 

03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask, “did I wake you?”

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM. 

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.     
  
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them
either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Health Care and the 2010 Campaign

Health Care and the Campaign – by  The New York Times

Elderly_audience.jpgRepublican candidates and deep-pocketed special interests are spreading so many distortions and outright lies about health care reform that it is little wonder if voters are anxious and confused.

Here are a few basic facts that Americans need to keep in mind before they go to the polls, and afterward. First, most aspects of the reform do not go into effect until 2014. Second, things are indeed bad out there: The costs of medical care and insurance premiums are (still) rising, and some employers are (still) dropping coverage. But for that, you should blame the long-standing health care crisis and the current bad economy. Health reform is supposed to help with these problems.

Here is a look at the claims being made on the campaign trail — and the distortions they contain: Read more…