AND THEY ASK, WHY DO I LIKE RETIREMENT

Posted on February 20th, 2010 by Iwaller

Me_on_a_good_day.gifAND THEY ASK, WHY DO I LIKE RETIREMENT?

QUESTION: HOW MANY DAYS IN A WEEK?

  • ANSWER: 6 SATURDAYS AND 1 SUNDAY

QUESTION: WHEN IS A RETIREE’S BEDTIME?

  • ANSWER: THREE HOURS AFTER HE FALLS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH.

QUESTION: HOW MANY RETIREES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

  • ANSWER: ONLY ONE, BUT IT MIGHT TAKE ALL DAY.

QUESTION: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST GRIPE OF RETIREES?

  • ANSWER: THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME TO GET EVERYTHING DONE.

QUESTION: WHY DON’T RETIREES MIND BEING CALLED ‘SENIORS’?

  • ANSWER: THE TERM COMES WITH A 10% DISCOUNT.

QUESTION: AMONG RETIREES, WHAT IS CONSIDERED FORMAL ATTIRE?

  • ANSWER:  TIED SHOES.

QUESTION: WHY DO RETIREES COUNT PENNIES?

  • ANSWER: THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO HAVE TIME>

QUESTION: WHAT IS THE COMMON TERM FOR SOMEONE WHO CONTINUES TO WORK AND REFUSES TO RETIRE?

  • ANSWER:  NUTS!!

QUESTION: WHY ARE RETIREES SO SLOW TO CLEAN OUT THE BASEMENT, ATTIC OR GARAGE?

  • ANSWER: THEY KNOW AS SOON AS THEY DO, ONE OF THEIR ADULT KIDS WILL WANT TO STORE STUFF THERE.

QUESTION: WHAT DO RETIREES CALL A LONG LUNCH?

  • ANSWER:  NORMAL.

QUESTION: WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE RETIREMENT?

  • ANSWER: THE NEVER ENDING COFFEE BREAK.

QUESTION: WHAT’S THE BIGGEST ADVANTAGE OF GOING BACK TO SCHOOL AS A RETIREE?

  • ANSWER:  IF YOU CUT CLASSES, NO ONE CAN CALL YOUR PARENTS.

QUESTION: WHY DOES A RETIREE OFTEN SAY HE DOESN’T MISS WORK, BUT MISSES THE PEOPLE HE WORKED WITH?

  • ANSWER: HE IS TOO POLITE TO TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH.

QUESTION: WHAT DO RETIREES DO ALL WEEK?

  • ANSWER: MONDAY TO FRIDAY – NOTHING.  SATURDAY AND SUNDAY – REST.

AND, IF YOU HAVE NOT YET RETIRED, LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

HAPPINESS IS A VOYAGE, NOT A DESTINATION.

THERE IS NO BETTER TIME TO BE HAPPY THAN NOW.

No Comments »
Filed under: Inspiration and Humor

5 Minute Management Course for Seniors

Posted on February 1st, 2010 by Iwaller

Monkey.jpg5 Minute Management Course for Seniors

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘ Who was that?’

‘It was Bob, the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk.  ’I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’   Poof! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’  Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.  The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

No Comments »
Filed under: Inspiration and Humor

That is How the Fight Got Started

Posted on December 12th, 2009 by Iwaller

New_Seat_Belt_Law.jpgOne year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When his wife asked him why, he replied, “Well, she still hasn’t used the gift I bought her last year!”
And that’s how the fight got started…..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’   ‘No,’ she answered. I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’  She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’   So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And that’s how the fight got started…….

Read more…

1 Comment »
Filed under: Inspiration and Humor

Dress Code for the Aging

Posted on November 7th, 2009 by Iwaller

Many of us ‘Old Folks’ (WAY over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling ‘young’, we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

  1. A nose ring and bifocals
  2. Spiked hair and bald spots
  3. A pierced tongue and dentures
  4. Miniskirts and support hose
  5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
  6. Speedos and cellulite
  7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
  8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
  9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
  10. Bikinis and liver spots
  11. Mini-skirts and varicose veins

And, most importantly:

At some point you have to give up the ‘DAISY DUKE’ shorts!old_woman_with_daisy_dukes.jpg

No Comments »
Filed under: Inspiration and Humor

Health Care Reform Plan Unveiled by Nancy Pelosi

Posted on October 30th, 2009 by Iwaller

Public_Option.jpgSpeaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, announced the House health care reform plan which is expected  to “provide insurance to up to 36 million people by broadly expanding Medicaid, the state-federal insurance program for the poor, and by offering subsidies to moderate-income Americans to buy insurance either from private carriers or a new government-run plan,” as reported by the The New York Times.

Thursday morning unveiled a House health care reform plan that is expected to cost about $894 billion and “provide insurance to up to 36 million people by broadly expanding Medicaid, the state-federal insurance program for the poor, and by offering subsidies to moderate-income Americans to buy insurance either from private carriers or a new government-run plan,” The New York Times reports. Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Senior Health Care

Children in Church

Posted on September 29th, 2009 by Iwaller

kids_at_wedding.jpgA little boy was in a relative’s wedding.   As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.  While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.   So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.  When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.” Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Inspiration and Humor

AARP Delivers Health Care Reform ‘Message in a Bottle’

Posted on September 10th, 2009 by Iwaller

elderlydoctor_art_257_20080717083107.jpgAARP Delivers Health Care Reform ‘Message in a Bottle’ in Chicago

Members Take to the Streets to Debunk Health Care Reform Myths — Deliver Rx Bottles Filled with Constituent Health Care Stories to Congress

CHICAGO, Sept. 10 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — On the heels of President Obama’s health care reform speech, and with Congress back to work in Washington, AARP members converged on downtown Chicago today with a simple but strong message: Fix what’s broken and preserve what’s right.

With a giant inflatable prescription bottle as a backdrop, and armed with prescription bottles filled with constituents’ health care stories, AARP volunteers took to the streets to get the public the facts, distributing information debunking the most common health care reform myths. The volunteers also encouraged people to fill out an Rx pad with their own health care “message in a bottle,” to be delivered to members of Congress. Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Senior Health Care

The 2010 Census, What You Should Know

Posted on August 29th, 2009 by Iwaller

senate_building.jpgThe U. S. Census is a count of everyone residing in the United States: in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Island Areas.   All residents of the United States must be counted. This includes people of all ages, races, ethnic groups, citizens and non-citizens.  The first Census was conducted in 1790 and has been carried out every 10 years since then.

Census questionnaires will be mailed or delivered to every household in the United States in March 2010. The questions ask you to provide information that is accurate for your household as of April 1, 2010.  The U. S. Census Bureau will mail a 2nd form to households that do not respond to the initial questionnaire and those who still do not respond will be called or visited by a Census worker. Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Retiree and Senior Resources

Seniors Need Health Care Reform Like Medicare and Social Security

Posted on August 26th, 2009 by Iwaller

Elderly_dispair.jpgEvery American Senior has benefitted from Democratic leadership which implemented Social Security and Medicare.  Republicans have been on recorded for many decades opposing and trying to kill both of these pillars of stability of older U.S. Citizens.   Health Care Reform will be the 3rd pillar enabling lower health care costs and expanding quality care. 

Look at the long list of the Republican record on Social Security and Medicare after the video: Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Medicare and Health Insurance

Are America’s Seniors Turning Their Backs on the Next Generation

Posted on August 18th, 2009 by Iwaller

greatest_generation.jpgThe ‘Greatest Generation’ is being duped by main street media and the health insurance industry in opposing health care reform.  These are the same people who enjoyed the benefits of Democrat President Roosevelt implementing Social Security and Democrat President Johnson implementing Medicare.  Now they buy into the fear-mongering of Republicans and health insurance companies to deny other Seniors and hardworking, taxpaying Americans the benefit of life saving health insurance reform.

In many of the mob-like town hall meetings, several Seniors and Boomers demonstrate for television, their rage as they buy into Republicans sponsored lies about ‘death panels’ and ‘euthanasia’ as they either ignore the truth, do not read the facts on proposed legislation or simply are weak-willed and buy into the GOP campaign of fear.  Remember the idiot who said “keep our government hands off his Medicare!” Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Medicare and Health Insurance

Credit Card Reform Act Starts This Week

Posted on August 17th, 2009 by Iwaller

credit_card_debt.jpgCost of credit card debt soaring

THE SAVAGE TRUTH – Issuers raising rates, planning more fees as first consumer protections kick in this week BY TERRY SAVAGE with the Chicago Sun-Times

Being in debt is about to get a lot more expensive for millions of Americans. Credit card issuers have been rushing to raise rates in advance of this Thursday, when the first provisions of the Credit Card Accountability Responsibility and Disclosure Act (CARD) will go into effect, with other protections starting in February 2010.

Starting this week, card issuers need to give you more time to pay your bills. Now, instead of mailing bills 14 days before the due date, issuers must send bills 21 days in advance of the payment date. That will mean fewer people will get hit with late fees because of postal delays. Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Senior Finances and Economy

Refuting Charges Against Health Care Reform

Posted on August 10th, 2009 by Iwaller

elderlydoctor_art_257_20080717083107.jpgThe people we meet on day to day bases who listen to talk radio have been filled with untruths about the current proposed Health Care Legislation HR 3200.  Many Americans are confused and rightfully so.  There is no end by those who want to keep things as they are. 

Look at some facts: According to the Foundation, firms offering health benefits to workers dropped 50% from 1998 to 2008 and annual family insurance premiums rose from $5791 in 1998 to $12,680 in 2008. Read more…

No Comments »
Filed under: Medicare and Health Insurance

Next Page »

  • Categories

  • Links to Site

  • Disclaimer

    This is a personal weblog, the opinions expressed by the author and contributors on American Retired Seniors are their own and are provided AS IS with no warranties, and confers no rights. The information contained at this blog/website ("blog") is for general informational purposes only and is not legal advice. By using this blog, you understand that no attorney-client relationship is created between you and the author or publisher. This blog should not be used as a substitute for obtaining legal advice from a qualified attorney licensed in your state. This blog may be changed without notice and is not guaranteed to be complete, correct or up-to-date. The author or publisher is not responsible for the content of any linked sites. This blog, and its author or publisher, are in no way affiliated with any governmental or private agencies. The authorsI reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason whatsoever (abusive, profane, rude, or anonymous comments) so keep it polite, please.

  • Support Our Troops

    Go to AnySoldier.com

  • Meta